I'm pretty sure this is pointless, but oh well.

Yeah, I've just kind of been feeling weird lately. Not suicidal or anything, more like "my life is an unending ball of stress, I want to lay in bed for the rest of it". I just, I don't know. It's like there is something deep down that is making me terribly insecure.

Maybe it's the fact that hardly anything in my life is going right at the moment...?

I mean, yes, potentially moving out of the home I've felt most secure in period might do it. So might trying to integrate my fiancé into my family... When my family is pretty dead set on not accepting him.

Or maybe it's the physiological and psychological cravings for alcohol. And the withdraws that come from not imbibing it.

Could be the fact that my father is being an asshole, and trying to get custody of me.

Perhaps it's the job I need to get before I go blind, or insane, so I can pay for my sleep tests, my glucose tests, my counseling, my medications, my contacts and glasses. Not to mention the fact that I tend to spend money to make myself feel better. No money. Ok, so I eat. No food worth eating.

And they're terrible habits, but if I could figure out what the fuck is eating at me, maybe I could deal with them better. Because not dealing them is making me hostile.

Not grumpy. Hostile.

And there are quite a few other things to bitch about, but it's getting late.

Maybe if just ONE. JUST ONE of those problems worked itself out, I wouldn't feel so helpless.

You know what? Maybe that's my problem. Everything in my life that is going wrong I can't fix. I have to 'wait and see', because it's all out of my hands now.

I really hate my life right now. :I

*comfort hug*

I think there's some sort of connection we have in addition to love, Bee-Chan. Because I've been feeling the same way.

OK, so I don't have an alcohol problem. And most of my problems differ from yours.

Things in my house are really tense at the moment. Well, at this specific moment there's peace, but usually at least once a day there are at least two people screaming at each other (and usually I'm involved in some way). My little brother has Autism.

Now don't take that to mean I'm against the Autistic. I might be slightly Autistic myself, so...but Travis is deathly afraid of germs. Whenever someone sneezes, sniffles, coughs, clears their throat; even when somebody puts a blanket on, he asks if they're sick. Of course, I always tell him that I'm fine, and I understand why he's asking, but it gets annoying.

And I feel like I'm letting my parents down because they keep giving me long lectures about how I can eat better and how I can search for a job more efficiently and that I'm not doing a good job looking for a job.

Add to that the fact that my mom is always stressed for some reason, even if the reason is small.

A couple days ago I literally packed my backpack full of my clothes and put my notebooks and books in my suitcase. I was going to leave. And I still want to leave. But I can't without money, and I can't get money without a job, and I can't get a job because the job market sucks.

Plus your parents hate my guts, and I feel terrible for making them feel that way.

But do you know what helps me hang on?

You're around.

If you hadn't returned I probably would've freaked out by now and done something that I'll regret. Could've been running away, could've been hurting myself. But you help me hang on.

You give me hope. And I hope I give you hope too.

I love you <33

TeasPlease wrote:Yeah, I've just kind of been feeling weird lately. Not suicidal or anything, more like "my life is an unending ball of stress, I want to lay in bed for the rest of it". I just, I don't know. It's like there is something deep down that is making me terribly insecure.

Maybe it's the fact that hardly anything in my life is going right at the moment...?

I mean, yes, potentially moving out of the home I've felt most secure in period might do it. So might trying to integrate my fiancé into my family... When my family is pretty dead set on not accepting him.

Or maybe it's the physiological and psychological cravings for alcohol. And the withdraws that come from not imbibing it.

Could be the fact that my father is being an asshole, and trying to get custody of me.

Perhaps it's the job I need to get before I go blind, or insane, so I can pay for my sleep tests, my glucose tests, my counseling, my medications, my contacts and glasses. Not to mention the fact that I tend to spend money to make myself feel better. No money. Ok, so I eat. No food worth eating.

And they're terrible habits, but if I could figure out what the fuck is eating at me, maybe I could deal with them better. Because not dealing them is making me hostile.

Not grumpy. Hostile.

And there are quite a few other things to bitch about, but it's getting late.

Maybe if just ONE. JUST ONE of those problems worked itself out, I wouldn't feel so helpless.

You know what? Maybe that's my problem. Everything in my life that is going wrong I can't fix. I have to 'wait and see', because it's all out of my hands now.

I really hate my life right now. :I

This reminds me of how really dang strong you are. The things you've gone through still blow my mind, and the fact that you've come out on top relatively more so.

When you were gone, you were a standard of hope for me. Because I knew one day you'd come back - albeit, I didn't know when - and when you did at least a little bit would be okay again.

And now you're back, and you're still dealing with things you should never have had to deal with in the first place.

You have 500% of my support right now, and remember that we're always here when you need someone to come to. It's not much; but we'll do what we can.

I suck at advice-giving right now, which is why I'm not giving any. And I'm sorry.

Just know that you're amazing.

TeasPlease wrote:Yeah, I've just kind of been feeling weird lately. Not suicidal or anything, more like "my life is an unending ball of stress, I want to lay in bed for the rest of it". I just, I don't know. It's like there is something deep down that is making me terribly insecure.

Maybe it's the fact that hardly anything in my life is going right at the moment...?

I mean, yes, potentially moving out of the home I've felt most secure in period might do it. So might trying to integrate my fiancé into my family... When my family is pretty dead set on not accepting him.

Or maybe it's the physiological and psychological cravings for alcohol. And the withdraws that come from not imbibing it.

Could be the fact that my father is being an asshole, and trying to get custody of me.

Perhaps it's the job I need to get before I go blind, or insane, so I can pay for my sleep tests, my glucose tests, my counseling, my medications, my contacts and glasses. Not to mention the fact that I tend to spend money to make myself feel better. No money. Ok, so I eat. No food worth eating.

And they're terrible habits, but if I could figure out what the fuck is eating at me, maybe I could deal with them better. Because not dealing them is making me hostile.

Not grumpy. Hostile.

And there are quite a few other things to bitch about, but it's getting late.

Maybe if just ONE. JUST ONE of those problems worked itself out, I wouldn't feel so helpless.

You know what? Maybe that's my problem. Everything in my life that is going wrong I can't fix. I have to 'wait and see', because it's all out of my hands now.

I really hate my life right now. :I

I second everything Ace has said. Just, god, don't shut yourself in; remember that we will always always ALWAYS be here to listen, love, and support.

Also, what you're describing sounds like depression (disclaimer: I am not an actual psychologist), which is awful stuff and requires professional counseling. It's just a suggestion, but I think you should focus on that first because things can get really bad really fast if it's not dealt with correctly.

Now why the hell can't I send hugs over the internet? This is 2012, people. You'd think we'd have it by now.

Raptorguy14 wrote:*comfort hug*

I think there's some sort of connection we have in addition to love, Bee-Chan. Because I've been feeling the same way.

OK, so I don't have an alcohol problem. And most of my problems differ from yours.

Things in my house are really tense at the moment. Well, at this specific moment there's peace, but usually at least once a day there are at least two people screaming at each other (and usually I'm involved in some way). My little brother has Autism.

Now don't take that to mean I'm against the Autistic. I might be slightly Autistic myself, so...but Travis is deathly afraid of germs. Whenever someone sneezes, sniffles, coughs, clears their throat; even when somebody puts a blanket on, he asks if they're sick. Of course, I always tell him that I'm fine, and I understand why he's asking, but it gets annoying.

And I feel like I'm letting my parents down because they keep giving me long lectures about how I can eat better and how I can search for a job more efficiently and that I'm not doing a good job looking for a job.

Add to that the fact that my mom is always stressed for some reason, even if the reason is small.

A couple days ago I literally packed my backpack full of my clothes and put my notebooks and books in my suitcase. I was going to leave. And I still want to leave. But I can't without money, and I can't get money without a job, and I can't get a job because the job market sucks.

Plus your parents hate my guts, and I feel terrible for making them feel that way.

But do you know what helps me hang on?

You're around.

If you hadn't returned I probably would've freaked out by now and done something that I'll regret. Could've been running away, could've been hurting myself. But you help me hang on.

You give me hope. And I hope I give you hope too.

I love you <33

*hug*

*just cries*

I'm so glad that I came back. I just don't even want to think about what life would be like if I hadn't have.

You do give me hope. You give me one of the very few shining glimpses of hope I even have to hang on to.

I love you too. <33

And for the record, my parents don't hate you. They just don't want me to be with you. And it's sad. But it's probably my fault. Unfortunately, I think the only way to fix it is to be patient... And it kills me that I probably can't do anything about it right now, but I need to learn to be patient, so whatever. At least I have you. <3

Things will look up someday. Don't worry, love. <3

ace-all-over-the-place wrote:

TeasPlease wrote:Yeah, I've just kind of been feeling weird lately. Not suicidal or anything, more like "my life is an unending ball of stress, I want to lay in bed for the rest of it". I just, I don't know. It's like there is something deep down that is making me terribly insecure.

Maybe it's the fact that hardly anything in my life is going right at the moment...?

I mean, yes, potentially moving out of the home I've felt most secure in period might do it. So might trying to integrate my fiancé into my family... When my family is pretty dead set on not accepting him.

Or maybe it's the physiological and psychological cravings for alcohol. And the withdraws that come from not imbibing it.

Could be the fact that my father is being an asshole, and trying to get custody of me.

Perhaps it's the job I need to get before I go blind, or insane, so I can pay for my sleep tests, my glucose tests, my counseling, my medications, my contacts and glasses. Not to mention the fact that I tend to spend money to make myself feel better. No money. Ok, so I eat. No food worth eating.

And they're terrible habits, but if I could figure out what the fuck is eating at me, maybe I could deal with them better. Because not dealing them is making me hostile.

Not grumpy. Hostile.

And there are quite a few other things to bitch about, but it's getting late.

Maybe if just ONE. JUST ONE of those problems worked itself out, I wouldn't feel so helpless.

You know what? Maybe that's my problem. Everything in my life that is going wrong I can't fix. I have to 'wait and see', because it's all out of my hands now.

I really hate my life right now. :I

This reminds me of how really dang strong you are. The things you've gone through still blow my mind, and the fact that you've come out on top relatively more so.

When you were gone, you were a standard of hope for me. Because I knew one day you'd come back - albeit, I didn't know when - and when you did at least a little bit would be okay again.

And now you're back, and you're still dealing with things you should never have had to deal with in the first place.

You have 500% of my support right now, and remember that we're always here when you need someone to come to. It's not much; but we'll do what we can.

I suck at advice-giving right now, which is why I'm not giving any. And I'm sorry.

Just know that you're amazing.

You have no idea how much that helped. I don't think words can describe how thankful I am to have you as a friend, Ace.

Know that you're absolutely amazing as well. :3

buttshujinsama wrote:

TeasPlease wrote:Yeah, I've just kind of been feeling weird lately. Not suicidal or anything, more like "my life is an unending ball of stress, I want to lay in bed for the rest of it". I just, I don't know. It's like there is something deep down that is making me terribly insecure.

Maybe it's the fact that hardly anything in my life is going right at the moment...?

I mean, yes, potentially moving out of the home I've felt most secure in period might do it. So might trying to integrate my fiancé into my family... When my family is pretty dead set on not accepting him.

Or maybe it's the physiological and psychological cravings for alcohol. And the withdraws that come from not imbibing it.

Could be the fact that my father is being an asshole, and trying to get custody of me.

Perhaps it's the job I need to get before I go blind, or insane, so I can pay for my sleep tests, my glucose tests, my counseling, my medications, my contacts and glasses. Not to mention the fact that I tend to spend money to make myself feel better. No money. Ok, so I eat. No food worth eating.

And they're terrible habits, but if I could figure out what the fuck is eating at me, maybe I could deal with them better. Because not dealing them is making me hostile.

Not grumpy. Hostile.

And there are quite a few other things to bitch about, but it's getting late.

Maybe if just ONE. JUST ONE of those problems worked itself out, I wouldn't feel so helpless.

You know what? Maybe that's my problem. Everything in my life that is going wrong I can't fix. I have to 'wait and see', because it's all out of my hands now.

I really hate my life right now. :I

I second everything Ace has said. Just, god, don't shut yourself in; remember that we will always always ALWAYS be here to listen, love, and support.

Also, what you're describing sounds like depression (disclaimer: I am not an actual psychologist), which is awful stuff and requires professional counseling. It's just a suggestion, but I think you should focus on that first because things can get really bad really fast if it's not dealt with correctly.

Now why the hell can't I send hugs over the internet? This is 2012, people. You'd think we'd have it by now.

Ok. :3

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I am depressed, to some extent at least.

Which is why I really need a job... We're in a pretty tight financial situation. We can't afford the house. We can't afford Mom's medication- lord knows what she'd do without it. She's worse off than I am.

I'll probably go job hunting tomorrow. I'm technically more part of the workforce than I am a highschooler, so I'll definitely have a better chance of getting SOMETHING.

We're all in Utah. Close enough for me to feel all the love. =w= (sidenote: you'd think SOMEONE would've figured it out by now!)

TeasPlease wrote:

Raptorguy14 wrote:*comfort hug*

I think there's some sort of connection we have in addition to love, Bee-Chan. Because I've been feeling the same way.

OK, so I don't have an alcohol problem. And most of my problems differ from yours.

Things in my house are really tense at the moment. Well, at this specific moment there's peace, but usually at least once a day there are at least two people screaming at each other (and usually I'm involved in some way). My little brother has Autism.

Now don't take that to mean I'm against the Autistic. I might be slightly Autistic myself, so...but Travis is deathly afraid of germs. Whenever someone sneezes, sniffles, coughs, clears their throat; even when somebody puts a blanket on, he asks if they're sick. Of course, I always tell him that I'm fine, and I understand why he's asking, but it gets annoying.

And I feel like I'm letting my parents down because they keep giving me long lectures about how I can eat better and how I can search for a job more efficiently and that I'm not doing a good job looking for a job.

Add to that the fact that my mom is always stressed for some reason, even if the reason is small.

A couple days ago I literally packed my backpack full of my clothes and put my notebooks and books in my suitcase. I was going to leave. And I still want to leave. But I can't without money, and I can't get money without a job, and I can't get a job because the job market sucks.

Plus your parents hate my guts, and I feel terrible for making them feel that way.

But do you know what helps me hang on?

You're around.

If you hadn't returned I probably would've freaked out by now and done something that I'll regret. Could've been running away, could've been hurting myself. But you help me hang on.

You give me hope. And I hope I give you hope too.

I love you <33

*hug*

*just cries*

I'm so glad that I came back. I just don't even want to think about what life would be like if I hadn't have.

You do give me hope. You give me one of the very few shining glimpses of hope I even have to hang on to.

I love you too. <33

And for the record, my parents don't hate you. They just don't want me to be with you. And it's sad. But it's probably my fault. Unfortunately, I think the only way to fix it is to be patient... And it kills me that I probably can't do anything about it right now, but I need to learn to be patient, so whatever. At least I have you. <3

Things will look up someday. Don't worry, love. <3

I'm glad. <3

<33

Oh, well I'm glad they don't hate me. Yep, all we can do is be patient. Take things one step at a time. We'll figure everything out in time. <3

They will. For both of us. <3

Raptorguy14 wrote:

TeasPlease wrote:

Raptorguy14 wrote:*comfort hug*

I think there's some sort of connection we have in addition to love, Bee-Chan. Because I've been feeling the same way.

OK, so I don't have an alcohol problem. And most of my problems differ from yours.

Things in my house are really tense at the moment. Well, at this specific moment there's peace, but usually at least once a day there are at least two people screaming at each other (and usually I'm involved in some way). My little brother has Autism.

Now don't take that to mean I'm against the Autistic. I might be slightly Autistic myself, so...but Travis is deathly afraid of germs. Whenever someone sneezes, sniffles, coughs, clears their throat; even when somebody puts a blanket on, he asks if they're sick. Of course, I always tell him that I'm fine, and I understand why he's asking, but it gets annoying.

And I feel like I'm letting my parents down because they keep giving me long lectures about how I can eat better and how I can search for a job more efficiently and that I'm not doing a good job looking for a job.

Add to that the fact that my mom is always stressed for some reason, even if the reason is small.

A couple days ago I literally packed my backpack full of my clothes and put my notebooks and books in my suitcase. I was going to leave. And I still want to leave. But I can't without money, and I can't get money without a job, and I can't get a job because the job market sucks.

Plus your parents hate my guts, and I feel terrible for making them feel that way.

But do you know what helps me hang on?

You're around.

If you hadn't returned I probably would've freaked out by now and done something that I'll regret. Could've been running away, could've been hurting myself. But you help me hang on.

You give me hope. And I hope I give you hope too.

I love you <33

*hug*

*just cries*

I'm so glad that I came back. I just don't even want to think about what life would be like if I hadn't have.

You do give me hope. You give me one of the very few shining glimpses of hope I even have to hang on to.

I love you too. <33

And for the record, my parents don't hate you. They just don't want me to be with you. And it's sad. But it's probably my fault. Unfortunately, I think the only way to fix it is to be patient... And it kills me that I probably can't do anything about it right now, but I need to learn to be patient, so whatever. At least I have you. <3

Things will look up someday. Don't worry, love. <3

I'm glad. <3

<33

Oh, well I'm glad they don't hate me. Yep, all we can do is be patient. Take things one step at a time. We'll figure everything out in time. <3

They will. For both of us. <3

We will. :3 <33

Yup. X3 <3

<33